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Friday, August 30, 2013

The End Is Near, As Is The Beginning

Yesterday was my last, first day of class. If all goes according to plan I will be graduating college in December.

And guys...I'm scared.

I am notorious for worrying about things to unhealthy levels. I'd like to think I've gotten better about this over the past few years, but in the past few weeks my worrying has come back full force. I stress about finding a job. Not only a job, but a job I will like. A job that will fulfill my financial needs. A job that isn't too far from home. A job that allows me to grow. I worry that I'll fail when it comes to figuring out big girl things like insurance and 401k's without my parents sound advice. They've already started the 'It's your decision.' and 'That's something you have to figure out for yourself.' responses. While I am grateful for decisional freedom, they're responses terrify me. I worry that I'll fail my parents expectations, along with everyone else's. I'm afraid I'll screw up beyond repair. I'm worried that I haven't learned enough in my classes to justify a big girl position at a company. I'm afraid I won't be good enough in this competitive job market.

Aren't I supposed to have my life figured out by now? Everyone keeps asking me what position I'll be going after when I graduate. They ask when I'm getting married. They ask me about my future plans. I. Don't. Know. It's all up in the air. I don't know where I'll be working 4 months from now. I don't know where I'll be living in a year. I don't know what salary I'll be getting. I don't even know when I'm getting engaged, not to mention married. I like having plans, I really do, but right now nothing is solid. It's all fluid, and I hate that. I hate, I hate, I hate it!! I want to have it figured out. I want answers. I want to be confident in those answers. I do. Right now, I can't.

I'm still figuring out who I am, let alone how I want the rest of my life to play out. I realize this is me ranting. I'm ok with that if you are. Well, even if you aren't. I feel like I'm having a quarter life crisis. That's a thing. Don't question it....but if you really want to, Google it. Wikipedia pretty much sums up my feelings: "Common symptoms of a quarter life crisis are often feelings of being "lost, scared, lonely or confused" about what steps to take in order to transition properly into adulthood. Studies have shown that unemployment and choosing a career path is a major cause for young persons to undergo stress or anxiety. Early stages of one living on their own for the first time and learning to cope without parental help can also induce feelings of isolation and loneliness."

See. Real thing.

The last few weeks I have worried myself into laziness and Netflix binging. Sometimes I handle stress by pretending the things I'm stressing about don't exist. I didn't even realize that's what I was doing, I chalked it up to being tired or transitioning into a new semester. Less than 48 hours ago I figured out it's because I am drowning in stress. I still haven't finished putting my new apartment together (I moved a month ago). I'm almost out of clean clothes...well the essential ones, like underwear. I need to get my oil changed in my new car. I need to do a whole bunch of simple things, yet I am totally unmotivated to. That's usually the indicator that I need to slow down, take a deep breath, and minimize stress. I need to find ways to unplug, stop worrying, and just enjoy little things. I think a big thing contributing to my stress is that I've lost a lot of friends lately and I don't have people who know me inside and out to just chit chat with anymore. I don't have a best girl friend to just do silly things with, or have deep conversations. This, in a very large part, is my fault. I need to get out more and socialize. I need to put more effort into those who are still around. I REALLY need a fellow geek to fangirl with. Seriously, I'm taking applications.


I don't think any of what I just described is unique to me. Many 20 something's go through it, and for the most part they come out alive. I don't want to just survive, I want to live and enjoy and soak in all the good things. Positive, happy thoughts everyone.




Allons-y!

Friday, August 16, 2013

To Be or Not To Be: A Visibly Tattooed Debate

I didn't always want tattoos. I grew up with a sister who had many tattoos and to this day is still adding to her collection, but I wasn't very interested in getting any when I was growing up. Well, that started changing after I graduated high school. I began playing with the idea of getting a tattoo. But something small and inconspicuous, of course. For my 20th birthday I got my very first tattoo, a small butterfly behind my left ear. Simple and concealable.

 This first tattoo started opening me up to the idea of getting more. Now, I am not one of those people who can just go get inked on a whim. I have to think about where on my body I'm going to get it and what I'm going to get for quite awhile before actually going through with it. I need to envision it on myself for enough time that I am positive that's what I want. My sister is the COMPLETE opposite. It's a spur of the moment thing for her, once she's decided what she wants she goes for it. More power to you sister! A lot of people are like that when it comes to getting ink. I, however, am not.

Flash forward a year and I was ready to start thinking about my next tattoo. Hey, I have a sister who likes tattoos, how cool would it be to get one with her? We decided it would be pretty cool! So we started hunting around on Pinterest and Google for ideas. We settled on an idea pretty quickly and my sister wanted to go get it right away! No. No. No. I needed to think about this. Envision. Debate. Embrace. We had picked out a phrase that each of us would get a part of: "Together forever never apart, maybe in distance but never in heart." So of course we had to figure out who was getting which part. I REALLY wanted the first half and was super nervous that we wouldn't agree and fight over it... HUZZAH! She wanted the second half! Success :) We got our sister tattoos on our rib cages, because we're cute like that.

 
 

That was almost a year ago. I've been wanting to get my 3rd tattoo for a while, even decided where and what I wanted. A small and concealable tattoo on the side of my foot. Can you see the trend of my tattoo ideas yet? Well lately the idea for my next tattoo has been changing. I have always been a fan of big and colorful tattoos, the way colors play out and contour on the body is fascinating to me. However, I've always been a little too chicken to commit to something that big and ostentatious FOREVER. Plus it's been drilled into my brain that tattoos are a gigantic no-no in the business world.

This is somewhat true.

It is a common notion of older generations that having any type of visible tattoo will cost you job opportunities. In their young days of looking for jobs this notion was more true than it is today. I'm not saying that it doesn't still happen. Corporate businesses still have visible tattoo policies in place and some are extremely strict including Geico, Starbucks, and Victoria's Secret. Despite the companies that still have strict policies in place, the job market is become more lax on visible tattoos. Employers are learning that judging a potential candidate for a position because of tattoos may cost them a fantastic asset to their company. Even with companies becoming more open to the idea of visible tattoo's it's still pretty risky to get one if you are still job hunting (like I am).

Another reason I've been hesitant about big, colorful tattoos is because I've always had the opinion that I shouldn't have one that will show in a wedding dress. I was afraid a big tattoo would look tacky and distasteful. GUYS. Do you realize how ridiculous that is? I'm starting to. Tattooed brides can be absolutely stunning!



Yes....I did put pictures of girls with tattoos on their arms for a reason. We'll get to that.

My opinion is now changing, if you are getting a tattoo to be part of who you are and to show your passions and individuality on your skin then why shouldn't you have it(them) show on your wedding day? Someone is always going to disagree with your choices. But these are YOUR choices and no one else's.


Even with the fact that the world is becoming more accustomed to visible tattoos in the work place and that tattooed brides are gorgeous. I still hesitate on getting the tattoo I want. What can I say, I'm a worrier. I want to get a large, colorful 1/4 sleeve tattoo on my upper arm. It's an extremely big step to go from small and concealable tattoos to visibly tattooed and I'm still in the decided stages of this tattoo. Some days I'm convinced I'll do it and love it, other days I worry that I'll regret it. For what it's worth the love it days outweigh the regret it days so far. I was planning on getting it as a gift to myself after I graduate this December, good thing I have a lot of time to decide.


What are your opinions on being visibly tattooed?








Friday, August 9, 2013

Farewell Jeep

It finally happened. The long lived life of the Jeep is over.

Well with me driving it, that is.

In 1997, when I was just 6 years old, my parents bought a Jeep Grand Cherokee. I still remember it in its brand new car state, which my dad and I quickly destroyed by taking it off-roading in a developing neighborhood......with the windows down. Yeah, guess how happy my mom was about that. I spent the next 10 years riding in the backseat of that car: to school, various stores, friends houses, family events, vacations, and everything else that required motor transportation.

When I turned 16 my parents decided it was time to get a new car for my mom, and therefore the Jeep became my first car. Well not technically mine per say. My parents names were still on the title, I just had the privilege of being able to use it. I was pretty darn excited about this. So excited that I drove to school my junior and senior year of high school. I lived really close to my high school, as in I could see people walking the halls through the windows from my bedroom window close. I was also excited because 4 WHEEL DRIVE! I could now drive on ice with my friends on a spare tire behind my car just like my dad used to do with us! I could go off-roading!! Yeaaaaahhh....not so much. As I mentioned before, we got this car when I was 6, it was already 10 years old at this point, it was not the brand spankin' new car that it used to be. The very first job I had was at a local put-put/arcade/go-kart place. One of the guys I worked with had a car just like mine! And he went off-roading all the time!! He decided we should take our cars out into the wild of absentee roads and concrete. I was super pumped about this, so of course I told my dad. Big mistake. "That car is way too old to be doing things like that anymore. You're probably going to break something, and if that happens, YOU pay for it." Oh snap, I can't afford car parts to replace ones I damaged on stupid outings! Sadly I could not do the things I was quite as excited about, but hey, I had a car! That's pretty sweet.

Oh the stories I could share about adventures in that car. However, as awesome as this car was, it began to be not so awesome. As I got into college it started to have issues....a lot of issues. One winter when the roads were completely iced over my power steering went out. Have you ever tried steering a car with no power steering....in ice?? I needed Hulk strength. It was also SUPER cold. Yeah, that wasn't the first time my power steering went out in the middle of the road, it was just the worst one. In the last year or two my car had gotten in the habit of shutting down entirely. No steering, no brakes, no battery, nada. Oh we would take it to a mechanic, but it never acted up for them. Just me. My car was trolling me guys.... You would think that we would have gotten a new car at this point, right? Well we are not Mr. Moneybags, and so we were hoping this car would last me all the way through college (4 more months for those of you counting....I can't believe I just typed that semi-calmly). Plus, I wanted to buy my next car all by myself and have MY name on the title. I'm a stubborn, wannabe independent person like that. I even crunched the numbers and put a savings plan in motion so I could afford a down payment when I graduated. Well, things took a turn for the worse last week.

A few weeks ago my car died while I was on my way to visit my parents, but luckily I was able to limp it home. Then last Monday night it decided to cut out on me IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. That was fun. Thankfully it started up again before I had to pull over. Flash forward to the next day when I'm on my way to work. It sputters on me in the middle of the highway again, I hope and pray it lasts just a little longer. No such luck.... It completely died on me about 10 minutes from my work. My power steering stopped working, my brakes stopped working, everything. My parents were gracious enough to come rescue me and let me borrow a car for the rest of the day. So the tow truck drags my car to the repair shop and sure enough, it doesn't repeat the problem. According to the mechanics everything is peachy keen. What. Time to make some major decisions.

The idea of buying a new (used) car now gets thrown into the mix. Oh that could work, except I don't have the down payment ready! No mom and dad, I am not taking extra money from you. I'm a stubborn and wannabe independent person like that. Long story short I was able to scrape up the money for a down payment and rework my budget to afford monthly car payments. I went from no current plans of getting a new car to driving off the CarMax lot with a new (used) car in less than 72 hours. I am now the proud owner of a car with MY name on the title and not needing to owe anyone (besides the loan company of course) money. Success.

Although I miss my Jeep, I am thankful for a reliable car with GREAT gas mileage that I can call all my own.

Allons-y!

Friday, August 2, 2013

A Movie Review: The Wolverine (Spoilers)

I have a very geeky boyfriend. Comic books. Video Games. Pokémon. Etc.

Super mature, I know, but I absolutely love it. Due to this geekiness we ABSOLUTELY MUST SEE EVERY SUPERHERO MOVIE EVERRRRR. Which I am totally okay with because, hey who doesn't love superheroes? It also helps that I have a pretty geeky side myself.

So last weekend we went to see The Wolverine.

This movie focuses on Wolverine's Japan story line, opening with Logan in a 1945 Japanese camp during the Nagasaki bombing. In true Wolverine fashion he saves an officer by the name of Yashida and protects him from the blast. I love that Wolverine acts all tough and badass (which he is) but will still save people who imprison him.

Another example of his caring badass side comes when the movie jumps to present day. Living off the land in the Yukon, Logan comes across a group of hunters in distress one night. A bear has torn apart the hunters camp, along with most of the hunters. Poor hunters right? NO. Turns out one of the hunters shot the bear with an illegal poison tipped arrow. WHAT A JERK. So now the bear is lying there slowly dying. Logan comes to the rescue, mercifully putting the bear out of its misery. But wait, there's more! He proceeds to find the one pathetic hunter that was so cruel to the bear and pierces his hand with the arrow he used on the bear! Poetic justice. This is when Yukio comes in.

Yukio has been sent from her employer, Yashida, to track Logan down. Yashida is dying and would like to say goodbye to the man who saved him all those years ago. Oh, and Yukio is a super fighter. Gotta love those strong female characters.

In Tokyo, Logan discovers that Yashida wants to relieve Logan of his immortality by transferring it into himself so that he may live. Alright Yashida, presenting it as a helpful offer doesn't change the fact that you're essentially killing a man, way to repay a debt. Logan meets Yashida's granddaughter Mariko who is pretty, but sad for unknown reasons There's also a super attractive/creepy blonde doctor taking care of Yashida, super sketchy. Logan refuses Yashida's offer and makes plans to leave the following morning. During all of this Logan has been having dreams of Jean Grey (you know, that crazy phoenix girl he had to kill in the last X-Men movie), so when he has an odd encounter with creepy blonde doctor putting something in his body he dismisses it as another realistic dream. Plus she has a slithery reptile tongue, totally a dream right??

Yashida passes away during the night and everyone heads to his funeral the next day. Logan notices that the priests have some pretty impressive tattoos hiding under their robes. I'm honestly a little surprised it took The Wolverine as long as it did to piece together that this was not normal. After a slightly long hesitation he springs into action. Alas, even through his hard efforts Mariko has been kidnapped. Alright, what is up with this girl and why does everyone seem to be after her?? Something's up. During the fight Logan discovers that his body is not healing as it had before. dun, Dun, DUN! Pushing through his injuries, Logan follows the kidnappers to a train station and gets Mariko back by awesomely fighting dudes on top of a BULLET TRAIN. Do you know how fast those things are?? Totally unrealistic, but still super awesome. So this chick Mariko has been ridiculously pouty and ungrateful during this entire ordeal, what a brat.

Logan and Mariko travel to Yashida's home in Nagasaki, where Logan saved Yashida those many years before. So they shop for food and Logan has a touching moment seeing the location where he saved Yashida before they settle in to their little safe haven. Night falls. INSERT SUPER OBVIOUS LOVE/SEX SCENE. Come guys, it was like right in your face, no surprises. Plus I don't get what super awesome Wolverine sees in a whiny girl, but whatevs. At this point Mariko has revealed that her grandfather had left her the entire company he built from scratch, instead of giving it to his son/Mariko's father. OHHHHH okay so that explains why people are after her, daddy's jealous. Not very original, but let's roll with it.

Logan wakes up in the morning without Mariko next to him, but proceeds to casually get up and look for her. Come on dude, this chick has people looking for her everywhere and this doesn't concern you? Sure enough he hears her cries as she is being dragged to a car nearby. Logan follows her to Yashida's estate, but she has already been taken to another location. Logan decides he should probably check out his body in the x-ray machine to see if anything is preventing him from healing. Sure enough he has some creepy parasite in him hangin' out by heart. I guess that dream about the creepy, reptile tongue doctor wasn't a dream. Whoops.

 HE THEN PROCEEDS TO CUT HIS HEART OUT OF HIS CHEST TO GET THE PARASITE OUT.

So who's super badass? The Wolverine. Did I mention this is after Yukio had a vision of him dying with his heart in his hand (she has a mutation allowing her some foresight)?? Oh no, The Wolverine is dead. Whatever shall we do now??? Don't worry, that wasn't sarcastic at all.... Sure enough Logan starts to get his regenerative abilities back and they escape, killing Mariko's father in the process.

Following Mariko's trail Logan ends up in Yashida's birthplace where he has built a facility of some sort. Creepy doctor lady shows up in an outfit reminiscent of Poison Ivy. Wait, which superhero movie are we watching? Turns out this reptile lady is Viper. No back story. No explanation about her character. Nada. Viper puts Logan in a machine that locks his claws when we exposes them and reveals that she plans on harvesting Logan's healing capabilities. At this point we are introduced to The Silver Samurai. Oooooo scary. Yashida has been hoarding adamantium (a.k.a. the metal throughout Wolverine's body, for those of you who need to go brush up on your X-Men facts) to build a super soldier. The Silver Samurai attacks Logan and severs his claws in the process (according to my geeky bf, this was not in the comic books). During the fighting Viper becomes injured and then SHEDS LIKE A SNAKE to heal herself. Ick. Double ick. She isn't so attractive anymore. The Silver Samurai has been specifically designed to extract Logan's capabilities and proceeds to do so through his broken claws/bones . As I watch and cringe in horror the suit opens up to reveal Yashida! Shocker, right? Not so much. Yashida slowly reverts back to the younger version of himself that we saw Logan save in the first few minutes of the movie, enjoying every minute of weakening Wolverine. Alright, this guy has got to go. Logan regrows his claws (without the adamantium coating) and finishes off Yashida. Yay!! The good guys win!

We speed ahead in time to see that Mariko has become the CEO of the Yashida Corporation. Logan bids farewell to her as he gets on a jet she has let him borrow. Yukio, being the awesome character she is, keeps her promise to be his bodyguard in asking "So, where do we go next?", or something along those lines. She was my favorite.


Allons-y!