City Girl: Coming February 2014

Yup, that's right. I will be moving to the big city in a few short months. No, not New York....DALLAS!

You know, I've never considered myself a city girl. In fact, I'm pretty sure less than a year ago the words 'I could never live in a city.' came out of my mouth. Well that all changed when I accepted a full time position about 20 minutes south of downtown Dallas. Amazing how perspectives can change in such a short time.

I will be graduating college in less than a month (WHAT???) from UNT with my bachelor's degree in Logistics and Supply Chain Management. During my time interviewing for a post college salary position I figured I would just drive to wherever I ended up working for the first 7-8 months, as my apartment lease goes through July. That is until I got the job with DalTile in south Dallas. Turns out that I have the option of driving almost 100 miles a day through I-35 traffic, or 4 hours a day on a train ride between Denton and Dallas. Not exactly ideal solutions...so the apartment hunt began. I'll be honest, I've lived less than an hour from Dallas my entire life and I've never really explored it. Sure I've gone to concerts, museums, and the Dallas Aquarium but never really looked around the neighborhoods. I was clueless. Ahh internet you are such a sweet resource. I asked the wise search engines of the world wide web where a young, single girl should live in such a city. West Village! Uptown! Deep Ellum! What are these foreign lands? Well there's only so much the internet can tell me, it was time to go exploring.

With my sweet boyfriend as my companion for the day I set out to roam the land. I figured I would just get a feel for the different neighborhoods, certainly not sign up for an apartment yet. Oh the places we went: West Village, Downtown, Uptown, and others. Man can I tell you, some areas of Dallas are SKETCH. Yeah the apartment buildings looked nice online, but the areas around those apartments? NOPE. I was beginning to feel a little discouraged. The nice areas of Dallas are SUPER expensive, and cheaper apartments are in areas I wouldn't be comfortable in alone. Feeling slightly defeated we started heading back home to Denton. On our way we passed one more complex on the edge of Deep Ellum, I was all sorts of done for the day so we didn't go in to check it out. Although we did look up information on the way home. It sounded PERFECT! I was regretting not stopping by. Reasonably priced; gated entrances; parking garage connected to the building; spacious 1 bedroom (200 sq ft more than my current apartment); a club house with a workout room, movie theatre, business center, AND hang out lounge? I was in love. Trouble was there was only 1 unit becoming available in the next few months that was in my price range. After crunching numbers and a little more research I decided to go tour the apartment the very next day. Everything added up in person as it did online and more! I was pretty darn impressed. So, naturally, I applied.

I am now the proud future tenant of a big girl apartment in Dallas! It's a 10 minute walk to downtown, 5 minute walk to Deep Ellum, AND a 15 minute drive to work. Needless to say, I'm a pretty happy girl. Here's to moving on to bigger and better things post graduation!


Allons-y!

What I'm Made Of

Who am I? What makes me, me? I have been asking myself these questions for the past several months, and I don't really have an answer yet. Almost two and a half years ago I moved out of my parents house after completing my Associates Degree at a community college. I only moved about 30 minutes away, but to me it was still a big change. I went from having a safety net and a set way of living, to living with two other girls and we all had different ways of approaching life. Adjusting to a new way of living, with people who did not think the same way as me was very difficult for a very long time. I starting losing who I was and was turning into someone I didn't like. I honestly didn't realize the severity of it or how much of myself I had truly lost and buried until I moved into a place by myself two months ago. I've starting rediscovering myself and learning what I truly love and what makes me who I am. It certainly hasn't been easy, as all of this is coinciding with losing and separating myself from the people I considered my closest friends. I've had days of feeling worthless and lonely, but I have also had days of incredible freedom and liberation. It's been extremely difficult and emotional, but I am learning to love myself again and truly enjoy the things I love without fear or judgment. I was reflecting on all of this recently and I want to share some things that make me who I am, things I love, what I believe in, and things that are home to me.

• I love rock music. I grew up on classics like AC/DC and I have always loved true rock bands.
• I love video games. I may not play them as often as I would like, but I love the hand-eye coordination involved and being able to hit targets with precision. I also kind of like the shit-talking. Those of you who play first person shooters know what I'm talking about
• I believe in being kind to people, but I also believe in standing up for myself.
• I love the work of Joss Whedon.  The stories. The character development. The wit! Is Joss involved? I'm in.
• Speaking of Joss, I love Firefly. I have a way of adopting TV shows and movies as kind of my 'home base' when I need comfort and something familiar that just jives with me.
• I love sci-fi and fantasy in book, TV, and movie form. Watch one of my favorite sci-fi shows with me, or read one of my favorite books, and let me geek out about it and I will love you forever. Agree or disagree with me about it's awesomeness, but let me be excited to you. That means so much to me.
• I believe in family owned businesses. I work for an amazing company that was started from the ground up by an amazing couple who started their production in a shipping container. Their values and goals inspire me. I believe in supporting these businesses and cultivating small business owners over corporations.
• I love and believe in Doctor Who. Again, TV shows. I will not apologize for having this show be such a big part of my life anymore. I have done it too much, especially in recent years. It has gotten me through so many things and taught me some amazing lessons. I love the writing. I love the actors. I love the cheese factor. I love it all.
• I believe in waiting for things you truly want and not taking short cuts to get there. I believe in waiting when it is the right thing to do, even when you so badly want to skip ahead.
• I believe in tattoos. I don't think anyone should ever be thought less of because of expressing themselves in permanent ink.
• I love Volleyball. I've never been good enough to make any teams, but I love playing with people for fun. I am not a sports person, but I am a Volleyball person.
• I believe that spending hours in a book store is the perfect way to relax and rejuvenate.
• I believe in being scared and pushing past it.
• I love Senses Fail. This band is my perfect jam music when I am having an overabundance of emotions and frustration.
• I love Mayday Parade. This band is perfect always.
• I believe in biblical community. I personally can not grow without it. Right now I don't have any and the stagnant state of my walk is suffocating.
• I believe in paving your own way and being independent. I also believe in asking for help when you truly need it.
• I love personal finance. This is recent, but I love figuring out the best ways to handle my money and future planning.
• I believe in coming home from work and not speaking to anyone for an hour.
• I also believe in 'cave time'. My parents call the time I needed to myself as 'cave time', they know I am cranky and not myself when I don't get enough time for me.
• I believe in strong women, but not pushy women. I believe in the equal rights of women, but not the current popular view of 'feminism'.
• I love having a dark side and twisted side. It makes life more interesting, and keeps me balanced.
• I believe in building people up.
• I believe in being honest.
• I believe in mistakes. And working with people through them.
• I love meat. Steak. YUM. I will never be a vegetarian, or any variation thereof.
• I believe in hard work. I believe in going the extra mile.
• I believe in humor. I need some light in the seriousness of this thing called life.
• I love jackets. I love jackets like most women love shoes. I live for fall and winter, my fashion choices are so much better during those seasons.

Most of these things about me will not change, however other things will be added as I spend time learning myself. Your 20's is supposed to be a time of self discovery, right? I'm working on it.


Allons-y!

The End Is Near, As Is The Beginning

Yesterday was my last, first day of class. If all goes according to plan I will be graduating college in December.

And guys...I'm scared.

I am notorious for worrying about things to unhealthy levels. I'd like to think I've gotten better about this over the past few years, but in the past few weeks my worrying has come back full force. I stress about finding a job. Not only a job, but a job I will like. A job that will fulfill my financial needs. A job that isn't too far from home. A job that allows me to grow. I worry that I'll fail when it comes to figuring out big girl things like insurance and 401k's without my parents sound advice. They've already started the 'It's your decision.' and 'That's something you have to figure out for yourself.' responses. While I am grateful for decisional freedom, they're responses terrify me. I worry that I'll fail my parents expectations, along with everyone else's. I'm afraid I'll screw up beyond repair. I'm worried that I haven't learned enough in my classes to justify a big girl position at a company. I'm afraid I won't be good enough in this competitive job market.

Aren't I supposed to have my life figured out by now? Everyone keeps asking me what position I'll be going after when I graduate. They ask when I'm getting married. They ask me about my future plans. I. Don't. Know. It's all up in the air. I don't know where I'll be working 4 months from now. I don't know where I'll be living in a year. I don't know what salary I'll be getting. I don't even know when I'm getting engaged, not to mention married. I like having plans, I really do, but right now nothing is solid. It's all fluid, and I hate that. I hate, I hate, I hate it!! I want to have it figured out. I want answers. I want to be confident in those answers. I do. Right now, I can't.

I'm still figuring out who I am, let alone how I want the rest of my life to play out. I realize this is me ranting. I'm ok with that if you are. Well, even if you aren't. I feel like I'm having a quarter life crisis. That's a thing. Don't question it....but if you really want to, Google it. Wikipedia pretty much sums up my feelings: "Common symptoms of a quarter life crisis are often feelings of being "lost, scared, lonely or confused" about what steps to take in order to transition properly into adulthood. Studies have shown that unemployment and choosing a career path is a major cause for young persons to undergo stress or anxiety. Early stages of one living on their own for the first time and learning to cope without parental help can also induce feelings of isolation and loneliness."

See. Real thing.

The last few weeks I have worried myself into laziness and Netflix binging. Sometimes I handle stress by pretending the things I'm stressing about don't exist. I didn't even realize that's what I was doing, I chalked it up to being tired or transitioning into a new semester. Less than 48 hours ago I figured out it's because I am drowning in stress. I still haven't finished putting my new apartment together (I moved a month ago). I'm almost out of clean clothes...well the essential ones, like underwear. I need to get my oil changed in my new car. I need to do a whole bunch of simple things, yet I am totally unmotivated to. That's usually the indicator that I need to slow down, take a deep breath, and minimize stress. I need to find ways to unplug, stop worrying, and just enjoy little things. I think a big thing contributing to my stress is that I've lost a lot of friends lately and I don't have people who know me inside and out to just chit chat with anymore. I don't have a best girl friend to just do silly things with, or have deep conversations. This, in a very large part, is my fault. I need to get out more and socialize. I need to put more effort into those who are still around. I REALLY need a fellow geek to fangirl with. Seriously, I'm taking applications.


I don't think any of what I just described is unique to me. Many 20 something's go through it, and for the most part they come out alive. I don't want to just survive, I want to live and enjoy and soak in all the good things. Positive, happy thoughts everyone.




Allons-y!

Farewell Jeep

It finally happened. The long lived life of the Jeep is over.

Well with me driving it, that is.

In 1997, when I was just 6 years old, my parents bought a Jeep Grand Cherokee. I still remember it in its brand new car state, which my dad and I quickly destroyed by taking it off-roading in a developing neighborhood......with the windows down. Yeah, guess how happy my mom was about that. I spent the next 10 years riding in the backseat of that car: to school, various stores, friends houses, family events, vacations, and everything else that required motor transportation.

When I turned 16 my parents decided it was time to get a new car for my mom, and therefore the Jeep became my first car. Well not technically mine per say. My parents names were still on the title, I just had the privilege of being able to use it. I was pretty darn excited about this. So excited that I drove to school my junior and senior year of high school. I lived really close to my high school, as in I could see people walking the halls through the windows from my bedroom window close. I was also excited because 4 WHEEL DRIVE! I could now drive on ice with my friends on a spare tire behind my car just like my dad used to do with us! I could go off-roading!! Yeaaaaahhh....not so much. As I mentioned before, we got this car when I was 6, it was already 10 years old at this point, it was not the brand spankin' new car that it used to be. The very first job I had was at a local put-put/arcade/go-kart place. One of the guys I worked with had a car just like mine! And he went off-roading all the time!! He decided we should take our cars out into the wild of absentee roads and concrete. I was super pumped about this, so of course I told my dad. Big mistake. "That car is way too old to be doing things like that anymore. You're probably going to break something, and if that happens, YOU pay for it." Oh snap, I can't afford car parts to replace ones I damaged on stupid outings! Sadly I could not do the things I was quite as excited about, but hey, I had a car! That's pretty sweet.

Oh the stories I could share about adventures in that car. However, as awesome as this car was, it began to be not so awesome. As I got into college it started to have issues....a lot of issues. One winter when the roads were completely iced over my power steering went out. Have you ever tried steering a car with no power steering....in ice?? I needed Hulk strength. It was also SUPER cold. Yeah, that wasn't the first time my power steering went out in the middle of the road, it was just the worst one. In the last year or two my car had gotten in the habit of shutting down entirely. No steering, no brakes, no battery, nada. Oh we would take it to a mechanic, but it never acted up for them. Just me. My car was trolling me guys.... You would think that we would have gotten a new car at this point, right? Well we are not Mr. Moneybags, and so we were hoping this car would last me all the way through college (4 more months for those of you counting....I can't believe I just typed that semi-calmly). Plus, I wanted to buy my next car all by myself and have MY name on the title. I'm a stubborn, wannabe independent person like that. I even crunched the numbers and put a savings plan in motion so I could afford a down payment when I graduated. Well, things took a turn for the worse last week.

A few weeks ago my car died while I was on my way to visit my parents, but luckily I was able to limp it home. Then last Monday night it decided to cut out on me IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. That was fun. Thankfully it started up again before I had to pull over. Flash forward to the next day when I'm on my way to work. It sputters on me in the middle of the highway again, I hope and pray it lasts just a little longer. No such luck.... It completely died on me about 10 minutes from my work. My power steering stopped working, my brakes stopped working, everything. My parents were gracious enough to come rescue me and let me borrow a car for the rest of the day. So the tow truck drags my car to the repair shop and sure enough, it doesn't repeat the problem. According to the mechanics everything is peachy keen. What. Time to make some major decisions.

The idea of buying a new (used) car now gets thrown into the mix. Oh that could work, except I don't have the down payment ready! No mom and dad, I am not taking extra money from you. I'm a stubborn and wannabe independent person like that. Long story short I was able to scrape up the money for a down payment and rework my budget to afford monthly car payments. I went from no current plans of getting a new car to driving off the CarMax lot with a new (used) car in less than 72 hours. I am now the proud owner of a car with MY name on the title and not needing to owe anyone (besides the loan company of course) money. Success.

Although I miss my Jeep, I am thankful for a reliable car with GREAT gas mileage that I can call all my own.

Allons-y!