What I'm Made Of

Who am I? What makes me, me? I have been asking myself these questions for the past several months, and I don't really have an answer yet. Almost two and a half years ago I moved out of my parents house after completing my Associates Degree at a community college. I only moved about 30 minutes away, but to me it was still a big change. I went from having a safety net and a set way of living, to living with two other girls and we all had different ways of approaching life. Adjusting to a new way of living, with people who did not think the same way as me was very difficult for a very long time. I starting losing who I was and was turning into someone I didn't like. I honestly didn't realize the severity of it or how much of myself I had truly lost and buried until I moved into a place by myself two months ago. I've starting rediscovering myself and learning what I truly love and what makes me who I am. It certainly hasn't been easy, as all of this is coinciding with losing and separating myself from the people I considered my closest friends. I've had days of feeling worthless and lonely, but I have also had days of incredible freedom and liberation. It's been extremely difficult and emotional, but I am learning to love myself again and truly enjoy the things I love without fear or judgment. I was reflecting on all of this recently and I want to share some things that make me who I am, things I love, what I believe in, and things that are home to me.

• I love rock music. I grew up on classics like AC/DC and I have always loved true rock bands.
• I love video games. I may not play them as often as I would like, but I love the hand-eye coordination involved and being able to hit targets with precision. I also kind of like the shit-talking. Those of you who play first person shooters know what I'm talking about
• I believe in being kind to people, but I also believe in standing up for myself.
• I love the work of Joss Whedon.  The stories. The character development. The wit! Is Joss involved? I'm in.
• Speaking of Joss, I love Firefly. I have a way of adopting TV shows and movies as kind of my 'home base' when I need comfort and something familiar that just jives with me.
• I love sci-fi and fantasy in book, TV, and movie form. Watch one of my favorite sci-fi shows with me, or read one of my favorite books, and let me geek out about it and I will love you forever. Agree or disagree with me about it's awesomeness, but let me be excited to you. That means so much to me.
• I believe in family owned businesses. I work for an amazing company that was started from the ground up by an amazing couple who started their production in a shipping container. Their values and goals inspire me. I believe in supporting these businesses and cultivating small business owners over corporations.
• I love and believe in Doctor Who. Again, TV shows. I will not apologize for having this show be such a big part of my life anymore. I have done it too much, especially in recent years. It has gotten me through so many things and taught me some amazing lessons. I love the writing. I love the actors. I love the cheese factor. I love it all.
• I believe in waiting for things you truly want and not taking short cuts to get there. I believe in waiting when it is the right thing to do, even when you so badly want to skip ahead.
• I believe in tattoos. I don't think anyone should ever be thought less of because of expressing themselves in permanent ink.
• I love Volleyball. I've never been good enough to make any teams, but I love playing with people for fun. I am not a sports person, but I am a Volleyball person.
• I believe that spending hours in a book store is the perfect way to relax and rejuvenate.
• I believe in being scared and pushing past it.
• I love Senses Fail. This band is my perfect jam music when I am having an overabundance of emotions and frustration.
• I love Mayday Parade. This band is perfect always.
• I believe in biblical community. I personally can not grow without it. Right now I don't have any and the stagnant state of my walk is suffocating.
• I believe in paving your own way and being independent. I also believe in asking for help when you truly need it.
• I love personal finance. This is recent, but I love figuring out the best ways to handle my money and future planning.
• I believe in coming home from work and not speaking to anyone for an hour.
• I also believe in 'cave time'. My parents call the time I needed to myself as 'cave time', they know I am cranky and not myself when I don't get enough time for me.
• I believe in strong women, but not pushy women. I believe in the equal rights of women, but not the current popular view of 'feminism'.
• I love having a dark side and twisted side. It makes life more interesting, and keeps me balanced.
• I believe in building people up.
• I believe in being honest.
• I believe in mistakes. And working with people through them.
• I love meat. Steak. YUM. I will never be a vegetarian, or any variation thereof.
• I believe in hard work. I believe in going the extra mile.
• I believe in humor. I need some light in the seriousness of this thing called life.
• I love jackets. I love jackets like most women love shoes. I live for fall and winter, my fashion choices are so much better during those seasons.

Most of these things about me will not change, however other things will be added as I spend time learning myself. Your 20's is supposed to be a time of self discovery, right? I'm working on it.


Allons-y!